Black Friday
by Manic Mundane
Summary: In honor of Black Friday, I've prepared a story. Zim travels to the mall in an attempt to learn more about human culture. Ravenous mutants take control of the mall, however. Other stuff happens! Main characters: Zim, GIR, Dib and Gaz. Language & Violence.


Black Friday

You all know it's Black Friday. In honor of this I have prepared a short story. Since I haven't thought about this at all, I have no idea where it'll lead. So...just a head's up. It might end up being a Wall of Death. If you have no idea what a wall of death is, you've probably never been to a heavy metal concert. It's like a mosh-pit, only ten times worse. I've gotten broken bones from those things and, let me tell you, it's just insane. It's also fun. Well, enough talk. On with the story. Here's "Black Friday".

* * *

It was Black Friday. A major shopping day on Earth, taking place right after Thanksgiving. Everyone starts shopping for the Holidays. The humans act like animals, some literally killing others just to get what they want. Some wanted to be there and actually enjoyed it, but for others it was Hell on Earth.

The mall had several parking lots full of cars. So many cars forming an almost endless maze. The mall was crowded. Completely packed in. Every piece of space that could be occupied was filled. It was hard to breath and incredibly loud from all the chatter. Enough to drive one mad.

But the people didn't care about the conditions. They treated it with the typical "Who gives a shit?" Earth attitude. Making things even worse.

It was a free-for-all, complete madness. But some had to be there, whether they liked it or not. Which most of them don't, especially due to watching people get trampled to death. But the janitor would clean that up later.

Though as a janitor walked by and observed a trampled body his response was "Not fucking likely." and he simply moved on, hoping to get the hell out of there. Going to take a break.

The conditions were horrible, but even more so for the employees and staff. Sure they get quite a bit of money out of the pathetic suckers that made up the human race, but it was too much to deal with. That janitor had the right idea. He's taking an all day break, because he's smart.

So, the general summing up of this is: the mall is not a good place to be on Black Friday (at least for most). But some still had to be there. This was the case for a certain family. Professor Membrane and his (cloned) children Dib and Gazolene (nicknamed "Gaz").

And also a certain alien species blending in with the pathetic humans. An Irken named Zim. Observing the Earth culture and planning to eradicate all life on this planet, Zim has run in to plenty of weird cultures. But this was by far the weirdest. Which was pretty bad on this primitive dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes.

"The humans appear to be in some sort of frenzy. Perhaps they are of a single hive-mind?" Zim spoke into a tape recorder he used to take notes with.

Despite having green skin, no ears and acting nothing like a normal human, Zim fit in perfectly and was only known to be an alien by Membrane's children. Dib was constantly foiling his plans and acting like he's saving the world, but really everything thinks of him as insane and annoying. Put simply, Dib was a crazy douchebag to everyone else.

Gaz knew, but simply didn't care (typical Earth attitude). She knew Zim was too retarded to be a true threat to the planet. She was probably the smartest human alive and also the most sane.

Zim's disguise was pathetic, sad really. Showing his true stupidity, Zim picked a simple wig for hiding the antennae and contact lenses to cover up his eyes. His intelligence was truly questionable.

And Zim was nowhere important without his little trash can following him. That trash can was (supposedly) a normal Standard Information Retrieval (S.I.R. For short) unit. Built from broken parts found in a trash can and whatever Purple had in his pocket for a brain, GIR, as he calls himself (with no reason why), was not a typical and functioning SIR unit. His personality was more of a disobedient, hyperactive, emotionally unstable and just plain insane in the mainframe. GIR's disguise was a green dog suit that was worn like a jacket, zipped up and the head was worn like a hood. This was supposed to be a Labrador Retriever, but couldn't be farther off. Yet it fooled all but two humans. Though GIR was erratic, he still showed _some_ signs of promise. When the rare occasion of GIR actually following orders occurred, the aquamarine coloring of his chest, antennae and eyes would turn to a bright crimson and he would respond with the usual "Yes, sir!", "Yes, my lord!" or "Yes, master!" and would do as he was told. But, obeying or not, GIR was still inferior. Perhaps his general design was outdated, as he had a mouth. Either way, GIR also had an appetite and was able to taste and eat Earth food even though he was a robot.

But anyway, GIR tagged along in his little doggy outfit right behind his master.

"Dere's a lot of peoples." GIR pointed out.

"Thank you, GIR!" Zim said with an angry, sarcastic tone that GIR didn't realize.

Suddenly, a store clerk approached Zim and politely asked "Hello, sir, are you going to buy something?" with a large, creepy grin on her face.

"No, register monkey," Zim told her back, trying to sound as nice as possible "I am not going to buy any of your pathetic items."

Then she began to turn into a freaky, mutant creature. Her skin turned blue, both of her eyes turned completely black, her blond hair turned into a filthy cement-gray, her fingernails grew-out into long claws and turned a black color, her canine teeth doubled in length and became fangs, grey horns now stuck out of her hair and her ears grew pointed.

She spoke with a distorted voice "You must buy."

Zim didn't seem the least intimidated "No, I will not."

"You _will_ buy."

"How many times do I have to say no?"

Then the beast-lady roared and tried to stab Zim, luckily Zim dodged at the last second.

He brought out the spider-legs from his PAK and pointed them forwards, charging a laser blast.

Suddenly, the spider-legs were glowing a turquoise color and humming loudly. And, just like that, a large laser was shot from the four spider-legs and had done a high amount of damage to the mutated woman. A large hole now existed right through her abdomen, showing her insides. The blast of the mighty laser had also disintegrated a few vital organs in that area of her body, which ended in death.

The woman collapsed, with all signs of her mutations fading.

She let out one last groan which started with a distorted tone and ended with her normal tone. Her skin returned to the fleshy, peach color; her hair returned to the blond color it once was, the horns also retracted back into her head (which looked particularly painful, but since she was dead there was no way to tell for sure). The long, black claws turned back into the short, stubby peach-colored fingernails they previously were. Her eyes turned back to normal, with the outside being mostly white with a grayish-yellow iris and black pupil. Her fanged canine teeth returned to normal length.

She now looked...normal, just as she had been before she had mutated.

Zim looked at her corpse puzzled, he stood there just staring for minutes before he finally spoke "What just happened?" he seemed to be asking no one in particular.

Though many people were around, they all seemed too busy shopping to have even remotely noticed what had just transpired. No one was watching and no one had seen the laser. Nor had they seen the laser blast. They hadn't even seen the mutation and no one even noticed the dead body laying there.

No one except Zim, GIR and Dib. And GIR didn't seem to know what had happened. He was zoned off and in his own little world. Dib had seen everything that had just happened. Gaz was busy checking out the electronics department, namely the video games. The new Vampire Piggy Hunter was out and anyone who's anyone was getting one. So Gaz had to get one too.

She might have heard what had happened, however. She might not have been paying attention, or just didn't care.

Dib just stood there, shocked. Shocked at the mutated woman, of course. He'd seen Zim's PAK before, the laser he'd seen a number of times. So he was used to it. The mutated woman, however, filled him with endless intrigue.

"What was that?" Dib asked curiously, although he had no idea who he was asking.

"Are you talking to me?" Zim asked him back.

"I don't know." Dib gave a relatively poor explanation.

"Regardless, I do not know what that human's problem was." Zim replied.

"She went all monster on you."

"I suppose."

"She did, you know."

"Say, Dib-thing, does your species turn into thoughtless, raging, mutated creatures when angered enough?" Zim asked.

"Are you kidding?" Dib thought Zim was making a joke, an alien joke (something not funny to humans, but it could be funny to other species). Then he saw Zim wasn't even smiling.

"No, why would I be?" Zim asked him back.

"No reason." Dib replied. Zim was completely serious.

"Anyway, do you have any idea what just happened to the register human?"

"No. No I don't."

And just like that Gaz came back and observed the body. She didn't seem the least bit distracted by it. She didn't care one bit. She even gave a small laugh when she saw it. Zim and Dib gave her a look.

"What? It's kind of funny." she told them "Don't judge me."

Dib gave her another look and Zim observed the body some more.

"So, what happened?" Gaz groaned. She wasn't interested, but she had to ask now or Dib would never shut up about it.

"I have no idea." Dib told her.

"Interesting." Gaz wasn't even listening, she was now busy with her Game Slave 2. She had just bought the new Vampire Piggy Hunter and was just starting a new game.

"This human mutated and I had no choice but to neutralize her." Zim explained.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Gaz, pay attention. This is serious." Dib told her, trying his best not to sound whiny.

"Fine." Gaz said reluctantly and she saved her game and turned off the power.

"Somethings going on here and it's my duty as a Paranormal Investigator to find out what."

"Fascinating."

"She's right, you know. You are quite boring. And your head is large." Zim told him.

"Hey! Why'd you have to go and bring up my head?" Dib was now speaking in a whiny tone, annoying his sister and the alien.

"Shut up!" they both commanded in unison.

"Look, I know I can be annoying at times." Dib was trying his best to make a good point and keep the interest of the others. Of course, he didn't think he was annyoing, so he tries as best he could to not make this sound like a plea for help...or a lie. "And I know that my head is..." he gulped, turned his head and shut his eyes (as if he could speak the following sentence) "Large."

Zim and Gaz looked at him, surprised to see him admitting his head is big.

"But we should find out what's happening. Who knows, maybe there are more people like this."

"Fine, Dib-human. I'll help. But only because you finally admitted to your head's large size." Zim told Dib in a partially insulting tone.

Gaz sighed "Fine, I'm in too." She began "But only because if I don't, you wont leave me alone or shut up about it." And she reluctantly put her hand into the space in between them all, where her hand met Dib's hand and Zim's hand.

But before anyone was expecting GIR to imitate them and join the group, he was already gone. Most likely off shopping out of a wild impulse...or stuffing his face at the food court.

"Well, at least he won't cause us trouble." Zim pointed out, to which the others agreed.

"Come on, let's go and find some information." Dib said.

"How?" Zim asked him.

"We could ask somebody." He suggested.

"Like that would-" But before Zim could finish, Gaz cut him off.

"It's a start." She said and when Zim looked at her, she shook her head as if telling him "Don't, it's not worth it."

Zim understood and nodded his head to tell her so.

And they went off. First going to the store the woman worked at...Blockbuster Video.

* * *

They walked into the store and were immediately met with a question directly from the manager.

"Hey you kids!" He yelled at them and they froze in fear as if they were done for "Have you seen Michelle, the girl who works at the cash register? She took a break an hour ago and hasn't come back since."

"Um..." Zim began "We might have and we might not have."

"Well, which is it?" He demanded from them.

"We have." Gaz came straight out and said te truth. She planned on telling the manager _everything_ about what had happened. She figured the two boys she was with were too spineless to be able to tell the manager the truth. But she could, it was the only way they'd get answers from him. And it worked.

"Where is she? If she doesn't get back within the next five minutes, SHE'S FIRED!"

"She's dead."

"Dead?"

"Yep. She _apparently_ turned into some kind of mutant."

"Mutant?"

"Yeah, just ask these two right here." She gestured to Zim and Dib.

"Mutants. I don't have time for any nonsensical bullshit from little kids. Do I look like I want to be pranked? Huh?"

Gaz turned her head, trying not to laugh. It was a question she really wanted to answer with a "Yes."

After all, the manager wasn't the coolest dude she had seen all day. He looked like he was about twenty. Or somewhere in his early twenty's. He had hair that was short at the front and sides, but long in the back. However, it wasn't a mullet. He had acne. And a lot of it. He had braces. And he wasn't the type of person that braces looked cool on, either. He didn't wear glasses, which was good for Gaz. Because, if he did, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from laughing.

She maintained her composure and answered with a serious "No." Though she lifted the last part of the word to make it sound like she was asking a question. It was subtle, however, and the manager didn't catch on to it. So she was safe for now.

"That's right, I don't." He tried to assure her and he thought he did. He didn't though, but it's a good thing that Gaz is quite skilled at messing with people's minds. "Now, tell me what really happened."

But before she could answer, Zim had a flashback to his encounter with Michelle. She had asked something of him in a tone similar to the tone the manager was using now. And Zim knew what to do. He answered with a defiant "No."

And that made the manager snap. Just like Michelle had earlier, he mutated. And he did so in a similar fashion. His skin turned blue, his hair turned gray and he grew gray horns from his head.

The three kids got a feeling of Déjà vu.

His eyes turned completely black, his fingernails grew out into black claws, his canine teeth doubled in length and his voice became distorted.

"Filthy humans," he spoke "You dare defy us?"

"Who's 'us'?" Dib asked him.

"That's none of your concern!" the manager screamed back.

"Oh I think it is." Zim said, the spider-legs emerging from is PAK and beginning to glow a turquoise color and humming "I think it is."

"Is that a laser?"

"Why yes it is, yes it is."

The manager didn't look the least bit scared. He spoke one more sentence "Try me." Then he let out a high-pitched scream that echoed across the entire mall. All the people there (with the exceptions of Professor Membrane, GIR and everyone from the skool) let out the same high-pitched screams. The screams now seemed more like calls than actual screams. And it was just made clear, as they were being used as calls.

Then all the people who let out the calls rushed for the store, already mutated. This looked indeed bad. They looked like monsters. Hungry monsters. Damn, this was really bad.

"What the hell is going on here?" Dib asked.

"No idea, Dib-thing. But it's not important." Zim said as he shot a laser blast at the manager, killing him. And he soon charged up another blast at an oncoming mutant, which killed it.

"This is bad. We should form barricades." Gaz gave a suggestion.

"That's a good idea." Dib told his sister.

Gaz gave a superior smirk.

Then something came plowing through the massive crowd with incredible force, it was GIR. He was flying through using his jets, holding a handful of various foods. Including Corn, Tacos, Taquitos, cans of Poop Cola, Poop Candy Bars, Cupcakes, cans of Tuna, packages of Crackers, Cheese, juice boxes of Fruit Punch flavored Hi-C and Donuts. He was screaming something unintelligble, most likely gibberish. He came to a stop and his jets deactivated. He did a few frontflips, while still tightly gripping the food he had been carrying. And he landed safely, without dropping anything. He seemed quite impressed with himself, as the first thing he said when he landed was "YAAAAAAYYYYYY!"

"GIR!" Zim screamed, preparing his little robot companion to follow orders "Put the food in the back room, now!"

"Yes, sir!" GIR went into duty-mode and did _exactly_ as Zim told him.

There were some more employees back there but GIR brought out some of his weapons and took care of them. Some explosions were heard as GIR shot missiles. Zim was busy at the front blasting lasers at any mutant that got past him. While Dib and Gaz were foraging around the store for anything that could be used to barricade them inside.

"Those shelves could work." Dib began "It's too bad they're being used to hold movies. They're probably too heavy as well."

Gaz gave an annoyed growl and went behind one of the shelves and gave it a hard push. She told Dib to move out of the way and he did. The shelf came crashing down with all the movies on it breaking underneath of it. She wiped any dust off of her hands and Dib shot a look at her. "Oh, like you could do better."

"Well, you got me beat." Dib admitted "Hey, Zim's robot!"

GIR rushed towards Dib, still in duty-mode "Yes, sir!"

"Um, could you cut this shelf into several wooden boards?"

"Yes, sir, I obey!" And he quickly took out a buzz-saw tool and started cutting the wood into many wooden planks while Gaz and Dib knocked over more shelves. Soon all were knocked over and GIR had just finished sawing the last of the wood. Then they brought it over to the entrance and Zim used the laser's heat to weld them to the wall and it worked as a great barricade. Although it wouldn't hold forever. But it would have to do for now.

"Okay, so, we're outnumbered and we have absolutely no idea what's happening. What are we going to do?" Dib asked for suggestions.

"As far as I know, dad's still here. We should find him." Gaz suggested.

"What if he's like them?"

"They're not zombies...or vampires...or vampire-zombies. They don't infect people. They don't turn others into mutants too. He should be fine."

"What if he's hurt?"

"All the more reason to go find him."

"We'd have to leave here."

"I could send GIR." Zim threw in a suggestion.

"How?"

"There's a window in the back room."

"Then they could get in through that."

"Not necessarily. On the other side of that window is the eastern wall of the building. It leads outside. And there are no mutants outside. GIR could simply use that window to go outside and just find another entrance. Plus, with his scanners that are now functioning thanks to me, Zim. He can find the professor human in no time and bring him back here and we can all leave through that window. It's are ticket out of here. As long as we continue to work together."

"Fine, but this truce is only temporary. After all this is over, we go back to being enemies. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then. Go, send your little robot-dog."

"I will. GIR!"

"Yes sir!"

"Use the window in the back and get outside. Then, I need you to find another way in and then search for the professor."

"Yes master, I obey!"

GIR activated his jets and flew out of the back window.

"God's speed you, doggy-robot." Dib said as GIR flew out of the window.

"What does that mean?"

"Shut up, Zim. Just shut up."

* * *

GIR was outside the mall. His scanners were picking up Membrane's bio-signatures. They pointed to the north-western part of the mall. A dangerous trek for the unprepared. GIR, however, was prepared.

He flew to the exact center of the mall. His scanners showed that that particular part was completely exmpty of mutants, as they were all at the far parts of each direction. In the east trying to break the barricades. In the north-west guarding Membrane. In the north and north-east guarding the others that they had captured. In the south guarding the main entrance. In the south-east and south-west going over plans on how to break through the barricades. And in the west, north-west and south-west they were foraging for anything that could be used as weaponry and protection. So the middle was completely barren of any mutant activity. Which was good for GIR.

He broke right through the ceiling and no one was there to see it. He located Membrane and flew for the north-west side of the mall.

Once he got near Membrane's location, which was the movie-plaza, he saw that the outside of the theater was not being guarded. So he headed inside.

Inside he saw more than his fair share of mutants, they didn't seem to notice his entrance. He saw Membrane, tied up and a potato sack over his head. They had him securely locked up in chains attached to the walls. Membrane was completely unable to move in even the slightest.

There were mutants all around him, in a circle-formation. Eight mutants exactly. Each facing a different direction, on a different side. For example, one at the south side of Membrane was facing the outward direction to keep an eye out for intruders. While the one facing the south-eastern side was facing the inward deirection to keep an eye on Membrane. And so on with the other six mutants.

"Piece of cake." GIR said to himself, momentarily exiting duty-mode to add "Mmmm, cake." And then returning to duty-mode.

He brought out a laser-guided rocket launcher weapon from inside his head and locked-on to the western-most guard, as it was the guard facing the entrance and therefore the easiest for GIR to hit from his position.

Now that he was locked on, he fired.

The missile hitting the mutant exactly in the chest and blowing it up, killing it.

Now that one was dead, but the other seven were now chasing after him.

But it was no problem for the little SIR Unit. GIR killed them all with no problem. He approached Membrane and broke the chains, untied him and took the potato sack off.

"Professor human, come with me."

"Normally I don't trust evil robots, but okay."

Membrane hopped on GIR's back. It was small and didn't have a lot of room, but he hung on. GIR could carry him anyway, he could support quite a lot of weight.

GIR flew as fast as he could, mowing down any mutants that were in his way. GIR found the center of the mall and flew up through the hole he'd created.

Then he located the east side and flew through the back window. Everyone was glad to see them.

But most importantly, they could now get the hell out of here. And maybe, just maybe, Membrane knew what was going on. GIR was now out of duty-mode.

And just when Membrane had finally got the chance to sit down, he was bombarded with questions.

"Dad, are you okay?"

"What's going on here?"

"What is wrong with these humans?"

"I LIKE CORN! I do."

"Kids, kids. Quiet down. I'll explain everything once we get out of here." Membrane said.

"Fine, fine. Now, all you humans follow me to the window. You too, GIR." Zim told everyone.

"OKAAAAAAY, Mr. Pringle!" GIR seemed to be hallucinating, if that's possible.

They all went out the window and walked back to the Membrane household, where the professor explained everything to them.

* * *

"I was in my lab with my lab assistants," he began "We were testing our newest experiment that could turn the shopping impulses of people down, so they wouldn't act like wild animals. But my assistants got the mixtures ALL WRONG and well...it spread to the mall, just as we had wanted it do. And the people were infected and well...you know the rest."

"That explains everything." Dib said.

"Yes it does, except there's one thing it doesn't explain." Zim said.

"What?"

"Why you humans are SO CRAZY!"

"Oh shut up, Zim."

Zim muttered something under his breath in Irken, most likely swears. Then Zim grabbed GIR and they left for the base.

Membrane and his children stood there for a few minutes in silence.

Dib suddenly broke the silence "Zim's an alien, you know."

"Yes, son. I know he's foreign." Membrane told him.

Then Membrane walked into the kitchen to start dinner and Gaz headed up to her room, but not before saying "You're annoying and crazy."

"I know, I know."

Gaz went upstairs to her room and Dib went to his.

This interesting day was over and he and Zim would go back to being enemies.

"Well," Dib began to talk to himself "Today me and Zim worked together, as temporary friends. That's all over now. So tomorrow, I'm gonna try to kill him."

Then he heard Gaz yelling at him from her room "Be quiet!"

"Yes Gaz, I'm sorry."

* * *

Well, that was...long. Almost 11 full pages on OpenOffice. Anyway, I'm glad I went at least _somewhere_ with this. So, I hope you enjoyed. I guess. You don't have to review, but you can't stay here. Oh, that just sucked. Exogorth out.


End file.
